we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
