there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
