I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
