Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
