My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
