Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
