if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
