I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
