Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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