I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
