Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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