I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
