I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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