i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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