so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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