While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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