I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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