Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
