Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
