But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
