i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
