first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I would ride that face into the sunset
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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