We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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