you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
