Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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