I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
