I wanna passion pit in your ass
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
