omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I party with great urgency now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
