I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
