I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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