Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
