Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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