is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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