Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
