If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
