We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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