Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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