Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
