nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
