Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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