My first STD was from a foam party
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
