Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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