It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
