I'm really into asian looking animals
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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