The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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