I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
