M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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