K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
