This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
