Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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