her vagine was all disorganized.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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