So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
