so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
