You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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