I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
